Friday, January 28, 2011
Who does that? Who writes a blog on their perspective of "human?". Me...because that's what I said I would do yesterday at the end of my first blog entry ever on this new blog. Today not quit sure what I want to say about being human but because I said I would I will and here it goes. I think it's human to feel, to sense, and to intellectualize. I think it's human to be hypacritical, contradictory, and judgemental. I think it's human to want to be better than the next, to want to be included, to want to exclude, to want to be acknowledged and validated. I think it's human to see the duality of things thus being able to see and reason relatively. I think it's human to be bored but pretend that everything is sooooo exciting....ok now I am taking it far. I think it's important that every human experience validation, support, and shared interests at sometime or another. I think every human should at some point identify a measure or indicator of success and meet that and feel that...and hold on to that so that when things seem boring or uneventful you can tap your memory to trigger good feelings.
I think our feelings definitely sway our thoughts as humans...feelings trump even when you think you are being proffessional or non emotional...you are...the facts say...but what do you feel, how do you feel. Are you in control of your emotions? I don't think we can control them...we can just become more conscious and aware of them...we can objectivley feel them or view them....we decide to attempt to not express them...do your best in a world that teaches their sons not to express emotion as early as 5 years old. And with it being a patriachal, western society this "non-emotional" boy will inevitably grow into the man that makes the rules void of emotion and lacking sensitivity....a world that is kind of difficult for me to manuver through because...I am ruled by the tides and the moon...the eb and flow of my menstral...the "creative mind," of a singer...aka an artist aka a sister a daughter, a black bitch, and angelic being...a beautiful black woman, sexy, cute and any other adjective or label that I have been referred to as.
I am bored because sometimes people want to play with me and sometimes they just don't. I came to ATL thinking I would be embraced...but i have experienced rejection just like in Chicago...rejection. So then I ask myself should I return to my family or should I continue to explore a world in search of my new home or new found place of acceptance?...or is it that at 31 I still have not accepted who I am, or is it that I still don't even know who I am accepting? Or should I just accept that I am indecisive? Questions...Acceptance...I think it's human to want to be accepted, however rejection comes with the territory. My feelings of rejection are relative to my feelings of acceptance.