Monday, January 31, 2011

Same Drink...Different Day

No sunshine in the "A." But there is still life as I know it. Preparing to promote my shows for the at the Chocolate Bar (Downtown Atlant) and the other tenative....come on Johnny lets do it! I have attached so much to the outcome that I have really hendered my progress over the years...get the hell out of the way me!!!! LOL! No seriously, my ego...not so much that it is vain but that my ego is so sensitive and worried about stuff that has nothing to do with me...."Move...B#tch...get out the way!" As in Ludacris' song!

Yet for some reason, I am optimistic today. Maybe because I spoke with two of my Atlanta based that I am sure is my friend...she came to me in a way that I least expected...her big old spirit in a little body...young based on age, old based on her past life...I can tell she has been here...God is giving her a little suprise gift that for some reason I believe she can her mentor...I just want to support her and be there for her in instances that I think a human being should be. I want to be there for her at times where I wish that somebody could have been there for me...but I know there will come a time when I can't. I know she is prepared. Thank you God. She has loving family that are supportive of her so, I think she is covered and so is her gift.

We must protect our gifts and our gifted ones. We must hold them tight when they don't want to be held. Held tight in prayer, meditations and positive energy...projected. Call on the angels to surround them. It's me it's me, it's me oh God standing in the need of pray. I pray that those who I believe to love me are sending angels of protection my way. I have a gift that has been compromised by esteem and just plain situations and people. But I sit here today proclaiming preservation for my self....sometimes you have to encourage yourself...who new that life was nothing more than a self proclaimed pep-rally...I didn't, but I sure do know matter how you feel...speak the word and you will be healed! Same Drink...Different Day...just a creative way to say what my grandaddy would say."Same soup warmed over....." Yummy!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I fit in my skin...

First I would like to share what I am sippin on with you....for a nice Sunday afternoon I am having a refreshing glass(es) of pear wine (arbor mist) mixed with 50/50 tropicana mango and pinnaple juice and tonic water....chilled...yum...I am waiting for my 2 pieces of fried chicken to finish so that I can have that with my spinach, and baked beans ...I will eat...dress and then off to another music set. I say another because yesterday I went to see the Robert Glasper Experiment now renamed the RCDC Experiment (please google to learn more about the group if you are interested). Anyhow, Casey B. was on the 2 saxes and I believe something called a vocorder. I want to focus on him because number one I was his guest...I would also like to mention that Robert Glasper has some of the softest hands in the world and nice sweet energy....Anyway, I was soooooooo honored to be Casey's guest or at least one of them. Feels good to know that when you play with somebody over ten years ago...they could possibly remember you and let you come and see them perform for free...never played with Chris officially but did jam and play with him in the past...he did not remember me at all and told me he was trying to be personal politics aside....

Casey B. is so passionate and spiritual with it. He seems shy or humble or both to me. His look is clearly a statement of artistic freedom and sexy all in one. Nice....fusion, pop, new wave, soul experimental, jazz, hip hop, r&b all aside...labels that real artists and gifted people hate, I would have to say that John Coltrane hovers over while Casey is in his spiritual winds start to blow, that is how they let you know they have arrived....who are they...they are real to anybody who has literally had an out of body experience, anybody who has trusted to release creative control and let the muse direct you, control you. Casey is a jazz soul with a rockin roll spirit with a down to earth personality...forget everything in between. Casey you rock and thank you again for having me...the RCDC experiment felt just like what it reads; and experiment. Rock on Casey...what ever makes you happy just do it!

Since my last blog about rejection and acceptance...what my mother taught me has been reinforced..."Rejection is God's protection and redirection." Whenever I am unsure...something happens to reasure me, and I always come back to the reality is what I make it....sooooo I love my old friends but the reality is that I came to ATL to broaden the scope of my life experience..."Who want to come out and play with Lemonade....????!!!"

How does this all fit in....I was able to be happy in my skin as I watched others do what they do...yes I want to be on tour...but I must be patient for all that will come according the the creater other then that...I felt accepted because good people like Casey do remember...right there in my own skin...would not change being me for that moment in time. Thank you Miss Carrie for joining me....
P.S. India Arie and Michelle of Destiny's child was there too...India's very

Friday, January 28, 2011


Who does that? Who writes a blog on their perspective of "human?". Me...because that's what I said I would do yesterday at the end of my first blog entry ever on this new blog. Today not quit sure what I want to say about being human but because I said I would I will and here it goes. I think it's human to feel, to sense, and to intellectualize. I think it's human to be hypacritical, contradictory, and judgemental. I think it's human to want to be better than the next, to want to be included, to want to exclude, to want to be acknowledged and validated. I think it's human to see the duality of things thus being able to see and reason relatively. I think it's human to be bored but pretend that everything is sooooo exciting....ok now I am taking it far. I think it's important that every human experience validation, support, and shared interests at sometime or another. I think every human should at some point identify a measure or indicator of success and meet that and feel that...and hold on to that so that when things seem boring or uneventful you can tap your memory to trigger good feelings.

I think our feelings definitely sway our thoughts as humans...feelings trump even when you think you are being proffessional or non are...the facts say...but what do you feel, how do you feel. Are you in control of your emotions? I don't think we can control them...we can just become more conscious and aware of them...we can objectivley feel them or view them....we decide to attempt to not express your best in a world that teaches their sons not to express emotion as early as 5 years old. And with it being a patriachal, western society this "non-emotional" boy will inevitably grow into the man that makes the rules void of emotion and lacking sensitivity....a world that is kind of difficult for me to manuver through because...I am ruled by the tides and the moon...the eb and flow of my menstral...the "creative mind," of a singer...aka an artist aka a sister a daughter, a black bitch, and angelic being...a beautiful black woman, sexy, cute and any other adjective or label that I have been referred to as.

I am bored because sometimes people want to play with me and sometimes they just don't. I came to ATL thinking I would be embraced...but i have experienced rejection just like in Chicago...rejection. So then I ask myself should I return to my family or should I continue to explore a world in search of my new home or new found place of acceptance?...or is it that at 31 I still have not accepted who I am, or is it that I still don't even know who I am accepting? Or should I just accept that I am indecisive? Questions...Acceptance...I think it's human to want to be accepted, however rejection comes with the territory. My feelings of rejection are relative to my feelings of acceptance.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The First Time.....

This is supposed to be from my perspective....We share this experience called life but I am the only one that sees through my two eyes.  Thank you God for my sight.  With it I get to observe and envision....Since I was three years old I knew that I could sing and so could my kindergarten teachers....."Rain drops on roses...and whiskers on kitten....bright copper kettles and warm wolen mittens...."  Probably experiencing the music much like John Coltrane did when he first heard it.  No, I am in no way insenuating that I am nearly the genius of John Coltrane...I am saying that just as he found those vibrations to that "song" magnetic, attractive and almost hypnotizing so did the age of three.  I am saying that my appreation for music became conscious to me at age three.  Anything before that, I have only heard stories...stories like I was 6 months old knodding and sitting up on my on to music...I think I remember that...but it's probably just my imagination.  My father used to sing and dance with us until he moved out, I was probably in third grade by that point.  His musical gifts are probably why my mom allowed him to stay up until that point...that's no low blow to my Dad, because his gift from God is so big that he can barely handle it.  I smile when I think of my daddy's singin and dancin' skills.  My mother on the other hand just knows what's good and even more, what's good to her!  She is usually right...she is a trend setter, an artistic visionary...who's talents can't be boxed in or held she floats like and angel...just don't offend her...and the world is happy....I think if my parents knew how my visions of them shaped my perceptions of life they would feel special...but that's only if they knew the magnitude of their artistic gifts.....sooooo now if I am the combination of them both with a little sugar on top, my artistic perspective manifested must be pretty me that is...just to me. 

I hear it, I feel it, I see it I know it, I attempt to master it, I am in control of it and out of control of it, I am addicted to it, happy with it, frustrated by it, not responsible for it, neglectful of it, resting in it's sweet imbrace, saved by it's grace, focused on it, taking advantage of it...I am in a serious relationship with music...looks like our status is complicated.

The way I measure my connection to others through my gifts are through smiles, tears, hugs and mean mugs.   Indicators of impact, validation; good or bad.  A reminder that I am still human and that's all i can be in this consciousness...human....what does human mean to next blog will be my perspective on being human!